You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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