It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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