I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
