Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
