haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
