I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
