guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
