big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Its about making memories worth repressing
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
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Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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