New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
