fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
