just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
