Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate