I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*