Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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