I'm fucking your sister right now.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza