I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.