Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dick is healthier for you than green beans