yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian