Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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