I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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