he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
