We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
