Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize