i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
smell my finger.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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