From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
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LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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