Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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