Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
