there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i now understand why vodka
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Holy shit dude........stairs
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
