I want you more than these girls want KFC
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
