Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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