I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
