Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
