Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
