There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
