I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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