Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
