Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
