1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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