i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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