If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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