I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
