The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
