totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
