your thong is hanging out like whoa
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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