He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
