mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And then my night got REAL pukey
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
