My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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