You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
