got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
