But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
