I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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