Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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