omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
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Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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