either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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