you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
