handjob tips. give me some.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
