I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
