Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
