Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
