I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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