i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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